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You know how bad I am at expressing how I feel, but here I am, unable to sleep, so now it has to come out. If it's all a little jumbled, blame my current zombie-like state.
Sometimes I feel angry (fuck you), sometimes I feel sad (I miss you), and sometimes I'm ok (I'm over you). It all comes and goes, really.
It's been at least a month, I'm sure, since we last spoke. You had some days off and would make some time to talk, I suppose I've been lied to again.
But I still leave my computer on when I sleep just in
So I can get my hopes up like I always do.
So I can come back down to earth like I always do in the end.
I still think about you everyday, about everything we've done, even though in your mind I'm probably long gone.
I understand, I'd forget about me too.
And you don't know about any of this, and most likely never will because I'll think about sending this but I doubt I could go through with it. Why open wounds and misunderstandings, these are just the thoughts that keep me up at night. Hey, maybe I'll drink too much again and get that fearless attitude I always get, from drinking to reminisce, and drinking to forget. Maybe it's better just to let you believe that everything is ok, no point in bringing you down into a pool of guilt.
There's a part of me that's over you.
There's a part of me that longs for you.
And there's a part of me that wishes you'd say goodbye.
Just wish I knew which part was real and not my imagination.
Whether you ever get to read this or not, the point still stands. Wherever we both end up, I wish you nothing but happiness and the great life you deserve, though I know you'd tell me differently. You always liked to disagree that way.
So make the most of what you've been given, and all that you've earned, whether I'm in the plans or not. We made promises, I know, but some promises were meant to be broken. No matter what comes next, just remember;
I'll love you, the girl I'll never know.
